May 24, 2018
Although last year’s Titanic prom theme was extremely subpar at best, this disappointment was nothing compared to this years prom, which was just bad. The DJ played with the guests emotions (who payed $100+ to get shoved into a tight space and told to dance or there would be consequences), starting out strong by playing songs like Fergalicious, then, in a drastic change that left children shocked, played strictly EDM for the rest of the night. Can you spell washed-up Coachella DJ? Anyway, prom was not that great and here’s why! I hope you can get more enjoyment out of this article than you did at the actual dance.
The intended theme was “Midnight in Manhattan,” correct? This in itself causes some issues from the get-go. Has any of ASB even been to New York City at all? I have and let me tell you, it’s no walk in the park. That’s because if you took a walk in Central Park in the middle of the night, you have a 99% chance of getting shanked by a hobo. An angry hobo, a hobo with rabies and an agenda: to kill all those who are more privileged than him. This would not be hard at our school because a majority of us are affluent, white kids who’ve never seen a day hungry.
Instead of calling the dance “Midnight in Manhattan,” they should have called it “The Middle of the Goddamn Summer in Brooklyn” because it was hot as shit and the decor was trying way too hard to be artisan and hipster which made it the exact opposite. If you can call throwing a few measly posters up in front of the building “decorations,” then yes, the venue was “decorated.” But according to my 24/7, on-call party-planner, Sharron (available for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and birthdays), the venue was the “saddest excuse for a high school event” she has ever seen (and that’s including the kick-backs that she used to attend behind the old gas station where they just gathered around a dumpster fire and drank moonshine).
Another stupid idea, on the planning side of things, was the fact that the coat check was upstairs. The lines for coat check at the end of the night, when coat check is on the ground floor, go on for hours, practically stretching to the other side of the country. With an upstairs coat check, the same was true, but students were forced to stand in line on a congested staircase. After a long night at prom, many are alright tired of being shoved consistently by people they don’t know; prolonging this torment when students are ready to check out for the night is just plain exhausting and cruel, and last time I checked cruel and unusual punishment was deemed unconstitutional when the eighth amendment was written.
Along with a narrow staircase, the dance floor proved to be on the smaller end of things. “Prom was definitely fun, but venue was too small,” junior Isabella Anderson stated. Although the point of a dance is to end up squished within a group of people while you jump up and down, the small dance floor proved to be rather suffocating. “A good thing about the dance floor was that it eliminated those random groups of people that like to stand and do nothing on the edges,” junior Theresa De Gree elaborated. As a person who doesn’t like to be constantly dancing, this wasn’t necessarily an upside to me. But, hey, to each their own.
When compared to last year’s prom, this year’s event falls short. There were no decorations, the dance floor was too small, the coat check was in the wrong place, and the music was definitely not the best. Hopefully next year, although this was the last dance for all of the graduating seniors, prom (basically the school’s event planning) will be better.