Gaby Pena | Writer
April 1, 2023
After a few instances last year with trash can fires in the boys bathroom, the staff at SCHS decided it would be best to close off some of the bathrooms. I’m sure many students have noticed that the bathrooms once open in the p-quad are now permanently shut-off while the bathrooms in the English building are always hit-or-miss. Many teachers don’t like it when students ask to leave their classroom to use the restroom, insisting that “that’s what break is for,” but if you want to use the bathrooms during our short breaks – all I can say is good luck. “I literally spent the entire break in line in the bathroom and I was still late to class,” said senior Briley York. Herds of people immediately crowd the bathrooms once that bell rings, creating long lines that make it impossible to use.
The staff at SCHS has recognized the issue, and after many months, they finally decided that something needs to change. A new policy will be implemented effective April 1st, 2023, cleverly titled “Hold it ‘til you’re home.*” The policy is exactly what it sounds like. The lovely staff has decided that because of unequal access to bathrooms, they are taking away the root of the problem – the bathrooms. All student bathrooms will be converted for the use of the staff, and the students will just have to deal with it.
To make this transition easier for the students, the staff is also going to be removing the drinking fountains and water-bottle filling stations. How sweet of them to take away our hydration so that we don’t feel they need to use the restroom! They have truly thought of everything.
The staff is keeping this under covers as of now for fear of student retaliation, but some students have already heard the rumors – and they are very unhappy indeed. “I cannot believe this! This is so ridiculous, I’m so glad I’m graduating this year,” states annoyed senior Courtney Coulson. While the staff seems to believe that this is a perfect solution, students believe that this is a violation of their rights. It will be interesting to see how this new policy plays out.
*This article is satire for our April Fool’s edition and is meant for entertainment only.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Kids can’t ” hold it till you’re home. I see lots of parents getting lawyers, I would. And help the poor kids that can’t do it and wet themselves.
I can’t believe this. What about dehydration, and damage they are calling on these babies kidneys. Think about the kids. Another. Solution
I really want to know what happens when a female student needs to use the restroom during thier monthly cycle. And about students who suddenly have stomach issues. I feel for the students who are doingbthe right thing. Good luck to the facility staff.
This is unbelievable. This needs to be addressed. This could results in serious health consequences as well.
Water is one of the main ingredients of life and to totally eliminate this is unhealthy and dangerous.
This could lead to students finding alternative ways to relieve themselves such as hidden corners or outside. This will create a very bad environment.
This is a great April Fools joke! The way people neglect to read the entire story these days..you will have all kinds of civil rights groups protesting at your door in record time. Well done!😂
I read it and started laughing.
While this is satire, the bathrooms are a serious problem. At least half the bathrooms are locked down at any given moment, and during zero period, there´s none at all.
How can they do this? Doesn’t seem legal.
I guess a lot of students will be relieving themselves outside or in the halls!!!
At first when I read this, I was thinking “Wow… that’s not fair to make the kids hold it for that long” but then I realized that it’s an April Fool’s joke. Then I read the comments. Most people must not have read the whole story, or they would’ve realized it’s a joke. LOL… Good one 👍
Good April Fool’s joke 🤣
😂😂
LoL 😆 I was thinking too myself as I read this story, that couldn’t be the case cus kids need to relieve themselves but as I continued to read until the end I quickly realized it was an April fools joke. Maybe whoever wrote this should’ve put it was entirely a joke in bigger, bolder letters so maybe it stood out better but shame on those who didn’t read the whole article from beginning to end but quick to comment though. SMH