Jenna Forss | Writer
April 1st, 2023
Senior Sunrise, Senior Ditch Day, Senior Prom, Graduation, etc. SCHS seniors can count on this extensive list of long-lasting traditions to look forward to as a final farewell gift before leaving everything behind for their futures. Arguably the most highly anticipated of these is Senior Assassin. For those who have not seen the onslaught of Instagram posts in their feed, participators are assigned a fellow player as their “target” each week, their goal is to eliminate them with a squirt gun and video footage for proof without being “killed” by the person that is targetting them. This is very much a simplified explanation of the game but many more intricate rules dictate the game. Water guns, floaties, goggles, and the constant hunt for an unassuming target make this intense game iconic.
But sadly it seems that everything good must come to an end*.
After discovering the controversy surrounding the game, the school is imposing a ban on any type of gameplay resembling Senior Assassin.
This new school rule is said to have sprouted from some of the senior’s crazed anger over their kills and the alleged loss to strict interpretations of the rules. Take a couple of minutes to scroll under the designated Instagram account and see how quickly you will find one of those stand-out pots due to its exponentially expansive number of comments. Looking through them will place you in the middle of the battlefield of a modern Civil War between fellow Tritons over either excuses or lies to resurrect somebody back into the game or officially eliminate them.
Our school board saw all of this blatant arguing and realized that it was time to spread the “community involvement that enriches
the high school experience for all students” that San Clemente High School states our school stands for in its Mission and Vision Statement.
An anonymous staff member complains, “I’m tired of the ongoing stream of seniors coming into my office crying about their
elimination. Soon enough, we are going to be faced with a tissue shortage. This needs to end.”
Even some of the juniors this year have sympathized with the seniors emotionally wounded by their “unjustified” kills. Some are rumored to plan on starting an “anti-senior assassin” club that will make sure to scout out all possible people plotting any sort of water-kill game. A possible president of this club-who wishes to remain temporarily anonymous because of the current controversy- states that “I want to bring peace back to San Clemente High School, we’re divided but that’s never how things should be. One Town One Team.”
*This article is satire for our April Fool’s edition and is meant for entertainment only.
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