March 23, 2016
What if my dad never got into his accident?
Would he and I be closer?
Would he not be depressed?
Would he not be overweight?
What if my mom was in my life as I grew up?
What if my mom and dad never met?
What if my mom and dad got married?
Would they be happily married?
Own a house?
Have more kids together?
Would my dad be happy?
What if my mom never told me the bad things about my dad?
What if my mom never confessed to me that I am a rape baby?
What if my mom got an abortion like my dad told her to?
What if Connor and I never met?
What if I never got myself involved with him… mentally and physically?
What if I walked away from him in the beginning?
What if I didn’t fall in love with him? Would it have been any easier for me to move on from him?
What would my grandparents’ life be like without me?
Would they be happy? Sad? Missing me?
How would Jeff feel?
What if he didn’t have his best friend?
What if I didn’t have him?
What if I didn’t have my best friend in the whole world?
What if I didn’t have the person who makes me laugh?
What if I didn’t have the person who makes me smile?
What if I didn’t have the person who makes me cry?
What if I didn’t have the person who I feel comfortable to tell everything to?
Would I have died the day I almost completed my suicide if he was never in my life?
How would everyone feel now? Happy? Sad?
What if nobody missed me except for Jeff?
Would my dad be happy that the kid he didn’t even want in the first place was “finally” dead?
Would Connor have noticed that I was gone?
If he did… What if he cared? What if he didn’t care?
What if… What if none of this ever happened? Then what? Would I be any happier of a person?
I wouldn’t be the person I am today.