Aaron Velez | Editor-in-Chief
April 1, 2023
In a shocking turn of events, rumors have been swirling around Washington D.C. that President Joe Biden is allegedly involved in a romantic relationship with young pop singer Isis “Ice Spice” Gaston*. Biden was caught on tape saying “Icy Spicy, please just give me this one chance,” which has been assumed to be in reference to their scandalous secret romance. While the White House has not officially commented on the matter, sources close to the President have confirmed that he is indeed smitten with the singer.
Though the age difference between the President and the young singer is quite significant, with Biden being 78 years old and Gaston only 23, it seems that age is just a number for the two lovebirds. Perhaps a bigger issue is the fact that Joe Biden has been (seemingly) in a loving marriage with his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, for over 45 years.
As can be expected, the news of the relationship has caused quite a stir among Biden’s supporters and detractors alike. Some are questioning the appropriateness of a President being romantically involved with a pop star, while others are simply enjoying the juicy gossip. One unnamed White House staffer even commented, “I guess we finally have a scandal that doesn’t involve Hunter Biden’s laptop!” On the other hand, popular celebrities like Joe Rogan and even former President Donald Trump have weighed in, saying things like “That boy’s a liar, there’s no way he bagged her,” and “Joe, you’re like 80 there’s no way you wear Nike tech” respectively.
SCHS senior Micah Hamilton said “she’s really in ha mood. I mean, she a baddie, she know she a ten, but he’s like a five at best.”
In response to the rumors, the White House has released a statement saying that the President’s personal life is his own business and that he is fully focused on his duties as Commander-in-Chief. However, it’s hard to imagine that Biden’s alleged romance isn’t affecting his decision-making process. Could the President be swayed by the pop star’s catchy tunes and youthful energy? Only time will tell.
Senior Farah Sumpter even goes so far as to say that “Joe Biden has to be responsible for Ice Spice’s TikTok virality,” further speculating that, “he has the power to upend entire political systems or overthrow countries, but instead he is definitely pressuring social media companies to put his new love front and center.”
Regardless of the outcome of this scandal, it’s clear that politics and pop culture have become even more intertwined in the era of social media and 24-hour news cycles. Who knows what other surprising romances will come to light in the coming years? Maybe we’ll see AOC dating Drake or Ted Cruz cozying up to Taylor Swift. The possibilities are endless!
*This article is satire for our April Fool’s edition and is meant for entertainment only.
this is so real
aint no damn way. this shit fake