Daniella Flores | News Editor & Publicity Manager
April 1, 2023
A recent report by the National Transportation Board found that it is perfectly okay for people to text while driving, only if they look up every couple of seconds*.
At first, I thought to myself, “how shocking?” However, the report found that it is healthier to look down at your phone every couple of seconds. This diminishes panic and worries among drivers if they have something vital they need to take care of.
In 78% of the cases, the report found that it was absolutely essential that drivers use their phones while driving. Their situations were just too dire and required immediate attention.
Spokespeople for the board advocated for other ways of driving, without using your hands. After all, if you’re going to need one hand for texting, you have to develop other ways of keeping the wheel straight. The board suggested steering with your knees, elbows, and feet to ensure safety on the roads.
“As an avid knee driver, I was relieved when the board finally deemed knee-driving to be okay,” San Clemente High School senior Tessa Campbell said. “There’s just too much to pay attention to on my phone, to look at the road.”
For drivers with mounts for their devices, it was suggested that they place them directly above their faces while driving. That way, they can immediately see any incoming news and not an oncoming vehicle. Of course, a text message from a friend would take precedence over a potential car crash.
While the report is specific to texting while driving, it also applies to anything being done on a device. So, if you want to like that Instagram post really quickly or check someone’s Snapchat story, go right ahead. But if you wanted to be more cautious, you could check your phone for a more serious matter, like an email.
“Seeing that I will be learning how to drive next year, it is nice to know that I can use my phone,” San Clemente High School freshman Ava Echternach said. “I wouldn’t want to miss anything going on with my friends, you know.”
With that being said, don’t fret because no police officer will EVER pull you ever again for texting while driving.
*This article is satire for our April Fool’s edition and is meant for entertainment only.
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